Masters or Disasters ∙∙
Be kind to each other, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, just as God through Christ has forgiven you. – Ephesians 4:32
1 Peter 3:8-12
8 Finally, all of you should be of one mind. Sympathize with each other. Love each other as brothers and sisters. Be tenderhearted, and keep a humble attitude.
9 Don’t repay evil for evil. Don’t retaliate with insults when people insult you. Instead, pay them back with a blessing. That is what God has called you to do, and he will bless you for it.
10 For the Scriptures say, “If you want to enjoy life and see many happy days, keep your tongue from speaking evil and your lips from telling lies.”
11 “Turn away from evil and do good. Search for peace, and work to maintain it.”
12 “The eyes of the Lord watch over those who do right, and his ears are open to their prayers. But the Lord turns his face against those who do evil.”
During the 1970s, American marriages faced a significant crisis. They were deteriorating into dysfunctional bitterness, ending in separation or divorce at unprecedented levels. This prompted social scientists to begin an in-depth study of marriage. Among them was John Gottman, who has been conducting research for over forty years.
In 1986, alongside his colleague Robert Levenson, Gottman established the “Love Lab” at the University of Washington. They engaged newlywed couples, observing their interactions while measuring physiological responses like heart rate, blood flow, and perspiration, which were indicative of psychological activity. Six years later, they checked back to see which couples remained together, classifying them into two groups: Masters and Disasters.
The Disasters were in constant fight-or-flight mode. They were aggressive and prepared to attack and be attacked.
Conversely, the Masters appeared calm and connected, displaying warmth and affection even amidst disagreements. What made the difference? The Masters had created a climate of trust and intimacy that made them more emotionally and physically comfortable.
Investigating further, Gottman noticed couples made “bids” for connection, seeking signs of interest or support from each other. Once a bid was made, partners responded to these bids by either turning toward or away. Statistically, Disasters turned toward bids only 33% of the time, while Masters turned toward 87% of the time, fulfilling their partners’ needs almost 90% of the time.
Qualitatively, the success of a marriage depends on what partners bring to the relationship, whether it’s kindness and generosity or contempt and hostility (https://www.theatlantic.com/health/archive/2014/06/happily-ever-after/372573/).
In 21st-century America, the challenges of marriage persist, with many facing divorce, separation, or enduring discord under the same roof.
Spiritually, the solution to this human struggle mirrors the answer to the eternal issues of sin and separation from God. He designed a way to resurrect those spiritually dead and offer eternal life. He bonded with us, the children of the King, and established eternal intimacy, affection, and love. Placed at His right hand through Christ Jesus, we are eternally turned toward Him, with redemption and transformation already underway that will never end.
Ephesians 2:1-7
1 Once you were dead because of your disobedience and your many sins.
2 You used to live in sin, just like the rest of the world, obeying the devil – the commander of the powers in the unseen world. He is the spirit at work in the hearts of those who refuse to obey God.
3 All of us used to live that way, following the passionate desires and inclinations of our sinful nature. By our very nature we were subject to God’s anger, just like everyone else.
4 But God is so rich in mercy, and he loved us so much,
5 that even though we were dead because of our sins, he gave us life when he raised Christ from the dead. (It is only by God’s grace that you have been saved!)
6 For he raised us from the dead along with Christ and seated us with him in the heavenly realms because we are united with Christ Jesus.
7 So God can point to us in all future ages as examples of the incredible wealth of his grace and kindness toward us, as shown in all he has done for us who are united with Christ Jesus
REFLECT & PRAY
Master or Disaster, choose wisely.
Haggai 2:19 From this day on, I will bless you.
Tomorrow is the first day of the rest of your lives.
Father, coach me in the skill of practicing trust, closeness, and intimacy with You and my essential partner on planet Earth.
INSIGHT
Genesis 2:18 The LORD God said, “It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a companion for him who corresponds to him.”
The Father designed and created Adam and Eve to be partners who complement each other. The Hebrew word translated as “companion,” “helper,” or “help meet” (KJV)is ‘ezer, which describes an “indispensable companion.” Individually, man and woman were only partially complete without each other. They were compliments. Each lacked something to be whole. “The plain fact is that Adam needed Eve” (Wiersbe). The woman was designed to provide what the man lacked, and logically, the man would offer what she needed, even if not explicitly stated (ESV notes).
They were both made in the image of God (Genesis 1:27). They were, at the same time, distinct yet equal. She was no less than Adam. She was essential for his completeness. “She was not made out of his head to rule over him, nor out of his feet to be trampled upon by him, but out of his side to be equal with him, under his arm to be protected, and near his heart to be beloved” (Matthew Henry).
Being a helper is not degrading. In fact, the Father often referred to Himself as a “helper” (‘ezer) to the children of the King. As our helper, He does for us what we cannot do for ourselves. He meets our needs, doing what we cannot do alone.
Being a helper is not an inferior or demeaning position. The Father often referred to Himself as a “helper” (‘ezer) to the children of the King. As our helper, He does for us what we cannot do for ourselves and meets our needs.
Paul urges us, as the children of the King, to return to the Father’s original purpose and design for marriage, which is rooted in kindness, forgiveness, and tenderheartedness.
Ephesians 4:32 Be kind to each other, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, just as God through Christ has forgiven you.
The Greek word for “kindness” is chrestos, which stems from the verb chraomai, meaning to furnish what is needed, beneficial, and suitable for any purpose. A thriving marriage involves each partner supplying what is essential for the other’s well-being. Kindness implies being gently pleasant, soft, and mild, avoiding harshness, inflexibility, or severity.
Choosing to live with abundant kindness in marriage is a decision every child of the King can make and reinforce continually.
This is the art in which marriage Masters excel. It is accessible to anyone. Exercising abundant kindness is all about choice, determination, and practice. As we develop this skill, we showcase the Father’s boundless grace to the world, both now and forever (Ephesians 2:7).
Determine to turn toward, not away.
¯\_(ツ)_/¯2-23-3
© Dr. H 2024
Dr H Reflections 