Imprisoned by unforgiveness ∙∙

Imprisoned by unforgiveness ∙∙

But Esau ran to meet Jacob and embraced him; he threw his arms around his neck and kissed him. And they wept. – Genesis 33:4

Genesis 33:1-11

1 Then Jacob looked up and saw Esau coming with his 400 men.
3 Then Jacob went on ahead. As he approached his brother, he bowed to the ground seven times before him.
4 Then Esau ran to meet him and embraced him, threw his arms around his neck, and kissed him. And they both wept.

5 Then Esau looked at the women and children and asked, “Who are these people with you?” “These are the children God has graciously given to me, your servant,” Jacob replied.
8 “And what were all the flocks and herds I met as I came?” Esau asked. Jacob replied, “They are a gift, my lord, to ensure your friendship.”
9 “My brother, I have plenty,” Esau answered. “Keep what you have for yourself.”
10 But Jacob insisted, “No, if I have found favor with you, please accept this gift from me. And what a relief to see your friendly smile. It is like seeing the face of God!”
11 “Please take this gift I have brought you, for God has been very gracious to me. I have more than enough.” And because Jacob insisted, Esau finally accepted the gift.

The Power of Forgiveness

A man once attended the final round of interviews for a highly sought-after job position. Sitting face-to-face with the company president, he was asked, “What is the greatest thing you’ve ever done?” Without hesitation, the man answered, “Forgiving those who have hurt me deeply.” That simple yet profound response earned him the job.

This story highlights how powerful forgiveness can be. But how essential is it to our well-being, and why is it so important?

Forgiveness and Personal Healing

Science and psychology have determined that forgiveness isn’t just a spiritual act; it’s deeply tied to our emotional and physical health. “The Stanford Forgiveness Project has shown that learning to forgive lessens the amount of hurt, anger, stress, and depression that people experience. People who forgive also become more hopeful, optimistic, and compassionate and have enhanced conflict-resolution skills. This research also found that people who forgive report significantly fewer physical symptoms of stress such as backache, muscle tension, dizziness, headaches, and upset stomachs. The act of forgiveness also increases energy and overall well-being.”

Forgiveness provides a path to healing, allowing us to let go of the past and move on. It’s a gift we give not only to others but also to ourselves. When we forgive, we free ourselves from the burden of bitterness and resentment, opening the door to peace and renewal.

Breaking the Cycle of Resentment

Conflict often leads to pain on both sides. Hurt individuals may crave an apology but hesitate to offer one in return, fearing it might make them appear weak or at fault. Yet, the truth is that an apology doesn’t diminish anyone. Instead, it fosters reconciliation, bringing healing to both parties.

Lisa Tams states, “When two people are angry with each other, each side feels hurt by the other and would like to receive an apology. Unfortunately, many people believe that they “lose” by admitting they hurt the other person. So, neither side apologizes, and the mutual resentment continues indefinitely. It’s important to remember that you do not lose by apologizing and admitting that you have been hurting the other person. You win, and so does the other person.” This belief traps them in a cycle of resentment. Choosing to apologize and forgive breaks that cycle, allowing both to win by restoring peace.

The Command to Forgive

Life is filled with offenses, both big and small. One of the most difficult things to do is to forgive others when they have hurt us deeply. Yet, it is a command woven into our faith. Scripture calls us to forgive, not just occasionally, but fully and without holding back.

Ephesians 4:32 reminds us of this calling, saying, “Be kind to one another, tender-hearted, forgiving each other, just as God in Christ also has forgiven you.” The standard is clear. Just as God, through Christ, forgave us completely, we are to extend the same grace to others. Our forgiveness of others is to be complete, freely given, and persistent.

When we forgive, we mirror the heart of God. Through Christ, we continue to experience His forgiveness daily as we confess our sins, and He cleanses us from all unrighteousness (1 John 1:9). He invites us to share this gift with the people in our lives. Forgiveness, then, isn’t a one-time act but an ongoing, persistent decision to release others from the hold of anger or resentment.

The Example of Jesus

The Lord Jesus Christ sets forth His standard for us by example in His model prayer. Luke 11:4 says, “Forgive us our sins, for we also forgive everyone who sins against us.” Forgiveness is a life-giving cycle—we seek it from God and extend it to others.

Choosing forgiveness doesn’t mean forgetting what happened or excusing wrong behavior. Instead, it’s about releasing the weight of bitterness and choosing to walk the higher road of grace and love.

REFLECT & PRAY

Forgiveness is not always easy. Whether the offense is real or imagined, it’s natural to feel hurt. But far more importantly, we have the power to choose how we respond. We can resist holding onto pain, and when we do experience forgiveness, we are set free to forgive others.

Father, remind me of Your grace and strength when forgiveness feels difficult. Encourage me to practice forgiveness daily, just as You have forgiven me. Help me to walk in freedom, healing, and the boundless love You have shown.

INSIGHT

The Father’s Solution to Bitterness

What is the answer to the self-made prison of bitterness, resentment, and hostility? The Father’s solution is forgiveness, a profound and liberating act that transforms hearts, restores relationships, and brings peace to the soul.

Understanding Anger, Unforgiveness, and Forgiveness –

A Few Definitions

Anger is a strong feeling of intense displeasure, hostility, or indignation resulting from a real or imagined threat, insult, frustration, or injustice toward yourself or others important to you.

Forgiveness is “giving up resentment against someone and surrendering one’s right to retaliate—no matter what the other person did.”

Unforgiveness is “a deliberate, willful refusal to give up resentment or an insistence that someone pays for a wrong that was committed” (Stanley).

The Greek word for forgiveness, aphiemi, provides a beautiful illustration of this concept. Aphiemi, practically speaking, means “to stop blaming or taking an offense into account.” It literally has the sense “to send off or away, let go; as a legal, technical term, it means divorce.” When it comes to forgiving others, it has a sense of “letting go, leaving in peace, pardoning, or canceling debts.” “Forgiveness is a decision to stop holding offenses against someone, to leave the pain behind, and to move forward in freedom.”

The Struggle and Strength of Forgiveness

Forgiveness isn’t easy. It feels counterintuitive because we often believe that wrongdoers should not go unpunished. Yet, as followers of Christ, we willingly surrendered the right to seek vengeance when we accepted Him as our Savior. Our only responsibility is to forgive and let the Lord take care of the rest.

Charles Stanley explains this as surrendering the right to take matters into our own hands. God asks us to forgive, knowing that doing so frees us from the weight of unforgiveness, allowing Him to step in and handle the situation.

The Story of Jacob and Esau

Few stories illustrate the power of forgiveness better than the reconciliation of Jacob and Esau. For 20 years, their relationship was broken because of Jacob’s deceit. Jacob had stolen Esau’s birthright and blessing through cunning manipulation, leaving Esau consumed by hatred and plotting revenge. Knowing his brother’s anger, Jacob fled, fearing for his life.

Two decades later, the moment of reconciliation arrived. After an extraordinary experience wrestling with the angel of the Lord, Jacob’s heart was transformed. He approached Esau with humility, bowing before him in genuine remorse.

Esau, who had once harbored murderous hatred, responded with an unprecedented act of love and forgiveness. Rather than retaliating, he ran to Jacob, embraced him, and wept. The brothers reconciled, demonstrating that forgiveness and humility can heal even the deepest wounds.

Forgiveness Unlocks Freedom

When consumed by unforgiveness, it is easy to feel trapped, as if held captive by the weight of anger and resentment. But the Father offers a way out of this prison, and that way is through forgiveness.

Forgiveness is not about excusing wrongs or forgetting the pain caused by others. Instead, it is about letting go of the burden, trusting God, and allowing Him to work in the situation. It is the Father’s gift that releases us, offering peace in place of bitterness and freedom in place of hostility.

Choose forgiveness, and find the release your soul has been yearning for.

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© Dr. H 2025