Healing Hurts ∙∙∙
Make allowance for each other’s faults, and forgive anyone who offends you. Remember, the Lord forgave you, so you must forgive others. – Colossians 3:13
Ephesians 4:31-32
Get rid of all bitterness, rage, anger, harsh words, slanderous talk, and all types of evil behavior.
Instead, be kind to each other, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, just as God through Christ has forgiven you.
Chronic Wounds
The U.S. Centers for Disease Control and Prevention defines “wounds that will not heal” as chronic wounds, injuries that fail to heal within six weeks. These wounds often begin as seemingly minor issues, such as small scratches or pimples. Although they may initially show signs of improvement, they never fully heal, leaving individuals in prolonged discomfort and vulnerability.
The Staggering Numbers
How many American adults suffer from chronic wounds? The prevalence of chronic wounds in the United States is both surprising and deeply concerning. It is estimated that nearly 8-9 million American adults live with these persistent injuries, underscoring a significant public health challenge.
While chronic physical wounds are a pressing issue, they also serve as a metaphor for another kind of pain, spiritual wounds. Unlike physical injuries, spiritual and emotional wounds often remain hidden, yet they can linger for years, decades, or even an entire lifetime. These unseen injuries, caused by unresolved pain, bitterness, or unforgiveness, can weigh heavily on the heart and soul, preventing true healing and peace.
The Lingering Wounds of Unforgiveness: A Wounded Heart
Consider the story of a woman in her eighties who had become irritable, quarrelsome, and deeply unhappy. Her life was devoid of true joy, and she struggled to form meaningful, lasting relationships. Despite her emotional turmoil, she was not physically ill. Instead, her affliction was far more profound, a wounded heart.
Her pain traced back to a single incident 50 years earlier when her aunt insulted her. Unable to forgive, she cut all ties with her aunt, and the two never spoke again.
Even after half a century, the memory of that moment remained vivid, as if it had happened yesterday. The resentment, anger, and bitterness she harbored stayed fresh, replaying in her mind like a relentless, painful rerun. This unresolved hurt consumed her, leaving her trapped in a chronic soul-sickness that robbed her of peace, joy, and emotional freedom.
A Warning from Scripture
The consequences of unforgiveness are not merely emotional but also spiritual. Matthew 18:34-35: “Then the angry king sent the man to prison to be tortured until he had paid his entire debt. That’s what my heavenly Father will do to you if you refuse to forgive your brothers and sisters from your heart.”
The Pain of Unforgiveness: A Slow Dance of Hurt
Chuck Swindoll has compared the unforgiveness of children of the King to porcupines in winter. As the cold forces them to huddle together for warmth, their sharp quills inevitably prick one another, causing pain and driving them apart. This repeated cycle of drawing close and pulling away mirrors the destructive nature of unforgiveness. It creates a painful dance of hurt and separation, leaving relationships fractured and hearts wounded.
A Question of Healing: Do You Want to Get Well?
The Lord Jesus Christ once encountered a man who had suffered from a debilitating illness for 38 years. Their interaction, as recorded in Scripture, may seem unusual at first glance. John 5:6: “When Jesus saw him and knew he had been ill for a long time, he asked him, ‘Would you like to get well?’” Rather than responding with a straightforward “Yes,” the man instead recounted a litany of complaints and grievances.
This question, “Do you want to get well?” is simple, straightforward, yet profound. It challenges us to confront our own spiritual wounds and consider whether we are truly ready to embrace healing. The path to wellness begins with a willingness to let go of the pain and bitterness that keep us captive.
The Essence of Forgiveness
Forgiveness is rooted in a shift of focus, from ourselves to others. It requires us to move beyond self-centeredness and consider the needs and hurts of those who have wronged us. As Ray Stedman explains, “Forgiveness occurs when we stop saying, ‘Look what you’re doing to me,’ and start saying, ‘What can I do to relieve your hurt?’ True forgiveness is not about excusing the offense but about releasing the desire for retaliation and seeking restoration. It is an act of grace that frees both the forgiver and the forgiven, paving the way for healing and peace.”
REFLECT & PRAY
Saint Augustine once said, “Resentment is like drinking poison and waiting for the other person to die.” This powerful metaphor reminds us of the self-destructive nature of unforgiveness.
Father, thank You for always forgiving me. Help me focus on Your forgiveness so I may forgive others as You have forgiven me.
INSIGHT
The Struggle to Forgive
Why is forgiveness so difficult? This age-old question has prompted countless explanations, yet the answer may lie in the very essence of human nature. As flawed beings, we are often inherently self-centered, instinctively asking, “What about me?” This inward focus places us at the center of our own universe, where the desire to retaliate or seek revenge feels almost instinctual. The more we give in to this mindset, the more resentment takes root, making forgiveness seem like an insurmountable challenge.
Empathy: The Key to Forgiveness
At its core, forgiveness requires empathy, a deliberate shift from self-focus to other-focus. It calls us to look beyond the pain and offenses we have suffered and instead reflect on the good others have done. But what happens when we cannot find any good in someone? Consider, for example, a torturer from the infamous days of the Inquisition. Even in such extreme cases, forgiveness remains possible when we adopt God’s view on humanity.
God’s Perspective on Humanity
At one level, the Father sees all of fallen humanity in the same way: broken and unrighteous. Romans 3:10-12: “As the Scriptures say, ‘No one is righteous, not even one. No one is truly wise; no one is seeking God. All have turned away; all have become useless. No one does good, not a single one.’”
Despite this, God made a remarkable choice. He chose to forgive. Why? This divine example reminds us that forgiveness is not about excusing others’ actions or denying the pain they have caused. Instead, it frees us from the grip of bitterness and enables us to extend grace, even when it feels undeserved. By shifting our focus outward and embracing empathy, we can begin to break free from the cycle of resentment and experience the transformative power of forgiveness.
Defining Forgiveness and Unforgiveness
Stanley explains that Forgiveness is the act of releasing resentment toward someone and relinquishing the right to seek retaliation, regardless of the offense committed. It is a conscious decision to let go of anger and bitterness, paving the way for emotional and spiritual freedom.
Unforgiveness is a deliberate and willful refusal to let go of resentment, coupled with an insistence that the offender must pay for their wrongdoing.
Unforgiveness often manifests in demands such as:
- “Pay me what you owe.”
- “I demand an apology.”
- “Give me my rights.”
- “Treat me like I deserve.”
- “I demand to be treated with respect” (Stedman).
Choosing Healing Through Forgiveness
Do we truly desire healing for our wounded hearts? The journey begins with a deliberate choice to say “Yes” to forgiveness. This choice is not a one-time event; it is an ongoing process that requires us to release resentment and pain continuously. Each time we choose forgiveness, we loosen the chains of unforgiveness and free ourselves from the heavy burden of holding others accountable for what we perceive as their debts to us.
Even when those who have hurt us are no longer living, forgiveness remains possible. It is not about excusing their actions or minimizing the harm they caused. Instead, forgiveness liberates us from the grip of bitterness, allowing us to move forward in peace and freedom.
Colossians 3:13: “Remember, the Lord forgave you, so you must forgive others.”
The Freedom Found in Forgiveness
Every child of the King experiences a pivotal moment when the Father declares, “You are forgiven, in the name of the Lord Jesus Christ.” At that point, our sin debt is wiped clean, and we become pure, blameless, and liberated. This freedom isn’t just a one-time event but a lasting truth as we continue to walk with the Lord. By regularly acknowledging and accepting the forgiveness granted to us, we gain the strength to show that same grace to others. In doing so, we reflect the Father’s heart and enjoy the deep freedom that results from letting go of resentment and choosing love over bitterness.
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© Dr. H
Dr H Reflections 